Silence

Sometimes I want to come on here and apologize for being absent – but I have been purposefully silent. When this blog went public again, it was important for me to step back and not be as open as I had been. There are times that I really miss the ability to pour my soul out somewhere. But pouring your soul out doesn’t always fix things, sometimes it makes things worse. And with a password protected blog, sometimes it felt like it didn’t matter. If I stood in the woods and poured my soul out to the silence, did it really count? No. Kind of like the tree that never fell there too.

I don’t know what the solution is. Maybe that’s because the solution keeps changing on me.

We’re dealing with some family issues that I can’t get into great detail about on this blog. It’s been hammering away at my strength and has made me go from the very worst deep depression, to having hope again. I know I have to talk about it to deal with it, so I’ve been confiding in a few friends. It’s pretty ironic that as much like an outsider that I feel here, I seem to have more friends here than I have had anywhere else that we’ve lived. Talking has lessened the weight of this. But I still have to deal with it. And we’re weeks and weeks away from anything remotely resemebling a solution or help. IF we’ll even get it. I can deal with the problem providing I’m not told again there isn’t a problem. There is. But unless the help you need is going to walk a mile or ten in your shoes, it’s hard to get them to see it, I think.

I’ll just have to wait and see and hold onto that hope my friends gave me.

4 Comments

  1. Heather
    Mar 22, 2010

    Thinking of you! I hope that you do find resolution and I’m glad you have local friends to talk to about whatever is going on. I’m sorry it sounds like resolution is still weeks and weeks away. Here’s hoping it actually arrives sooner than that.

  2. JenK
    Mar 24, 2010

    Whatever it is, I hope it works out. And quickly.

    I’ll be thinking about you and hoping all is well in Stuartland.

  3. Jennifer
    Mar 24, 2010

    I may yet give more details here. I think it depends on how things play out. If I think it can be helpful to other people then I think I probably will. Anyway, things are going a little better at the moment. Still waiting for evaluations, etc. But finding new ways of dealing with the issues. Heh.

  4. Kathy
    Mar 25, 2010

    I’m sorry it’s been a while since I stopped by and I noticed your new (I think) design. I think the blog looks great. I’m sorry to find your having a tough time. And I know what you mean about struggling with how much to share! I started my blog because I wanted to share “real life” because so many blogs don’t seem to do that. But I’ve since realized how hard that is if your going to tell anyone you know personally about the blog. I’ve told some of my coworkers about the blog and now I feel a little weird that they know some pretty personal stuff about me. Anyway, I agree with you that if a blog and online friends can’t replace those personal face to face connections that we really need when times are tough so I’m glad you’ve found some friends and shared with them and I hope all turns out well!

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