SO not ready for prime time

We had our family ski day today. I should have known what was to come since I was feeling particularly anxious about it. To the point of barely being able to sleep the night before from the endless anxiety dreams. I know it sounds crazy – but when I get that worked up – it rarely ends up being a situation where you could say “See – all that worry for nothing!” If I’m worrying, and that much… it’s usually with good reason.

The big problems were what we were going to do with Zach. The group lesson we wanted to put him in was a situation where you had to get there, sign up after you arrived and hoped they still had an opening. You couldn’t make a reservation. I was worried about him not liking it (I think he thought he was going sledding not skiing.) On the way up we even talked about maybe it would be better anyway not to do the group lesson and just do a 1 hour private lesson – but then what would Sam do the rest of the time with him? And as my fear came to reality – the group lesson was booked up – all we had available was the 1 hour private lesson. While I think that was great for Zach – he did really well in the class – it meant that Sam was entertaining him for the rest of the time we were up there – and that definitely had a time limit.

And me? The instructor I had for my private lesson last time had said that I should be good for a level 3 lesson the next time I come in. But either that was a gross overconfidence in my abilities, or this particular “level 3 lesson” wasn’t your average level 3 lesson. There was one guy in there who said he had actually been skiing for 30 years, but just never took a lesson. I should have known then to ask for a different group. The instructor and I did NOT click (it was not the same one I had for my private lesson) and in fact he got kind of mad at me at one point because they had stopped kind of quickly at a steep part of the hill, and I had gone a little further down because, sorry, I just can’t stop that quickly. Also, he apparently preferred to ski IN FRONT of the class. (How this was supposed to help us when he couldn’t even see what we were doing, I don’t know) So he took us all the way up the mountain. When we would ski for a stretch, he would get so far ahead. At one point I had fallen, and of course how could he know because he was way down ahead, and by the time I got back up and was able to get going again, I had no idea where everyone was. When I finally found them – I realized I was on the opposite side of the run, I tried to slow down, but could not, and fell, again. Meanwhile, I’m looking at them, and they’re all looking up the mountain wondering where I am.

This happened a few times and then I finally said I was probably in the wrong class. He called in a snow mobile to take me to another lift nearby that brought me back down. My confidence has been more than a bit bruised. I guess I should be happy that’s all that’s bruised, seeing how many times I had fallen.

My biggest fear is speed. I like to ski slow and controlled. I had hoped that green runs meant a less steep hill – and sure, it is less steep than blue and black – but I guess I need something even less steep than what we were on. (Which was green)

I got a few more runs in on what is apparently called the “turtle run” (Rachel told me thats what they call it – figures that’s all I’d be able to do) and then I started getting text messages from Sam that Zach’s patience for the day was ending. There was only 30mins left technically to our lessons so I figured it was close enough and we called it a day. (And don’t even get me started with how I had to argue with Rachel’s instructor to get her out of the class. He kept going on about how they’re sticklers for the rules, and the class isn’t over yet, etc. and I’m like – there’s only 30mins left to the lesson, I am her MOTHER – we need to go – WE ARE GOING! Don’t even tell me I can’t take my own child! What the hell??)

My goal was to be able to do a green run – the easiest kind of run there is in skiing. I didn’t think that was an outrageous goal – but apparently even still it’s going to be quite awhile before I can do it without falling flat on my face every 5 feet, or going down the mountain as I fear: extremely fast and without control.

No, I’m not going to give up – but that doesn’t change the fact that I feel pretty deflated right now. I felt so confident last week – and this time? Just awful.