Making major life decisions via eeny meeny miney moe

Portland, OR? San Jose, CA? San Diego, CA? Denver, CO? and now Washington, D.C.? In any particular moment, any one of those places looks like a place we might end up. For someone that likes to have everything under control, this process of figuring out where we’re going to go next is killing me. It all depends on things completely out of my control. And even though, my first choice would probably be Portland, it’s not really up to me or my preferences at all. Where we will go next all depends on where Sam gets a job – and where the best places for what he wants to do will be. Thankfully, I think he’s figuring out a path for what he wants to do. It’s not exactly what he’s doing now, but it’s in the same general field, and I think with some studying, certification test taking, he can transfer his experience. But everything else is up for grabs at the moment. He’s determined to have us out of Utah this time next year – so that’s encouraging. But where we’ll be… I have no freaking clue.

Thinking outside the job-box

What would you do if money was no concern? I don’t mean take a permanent vacation on a deserted island. (Quite frankly, after awhile I’d get bored anyway) I mean, what job would you do if you didn’t have to worry about insurance, mortgage, family commitments?

I know exactly what I would do. I would do the same thing I’m doing now. And I only know this because after only a few months of what was to be the beginning of my “stay-at-home” mom life, I started messing around online again, playing with HTML/CSS, PHP, and WordPress. I started doing freelance work, then more, then more and more and more. It still can get very stressful and at sometimes downright annoying – but I know I love what I do, and I choose to do it because this is where my passion is.

Sam is a different case. He’s been driven more by the desire to “provide for his family” – and I’m not sure if he even knows where his passion is career-wise. He’s never had the luxury of taking a few months off to see what he would gravitate towards. I find this incredibly sad. Unfortunately, we still don’t have the luxury of allowing him to take that time off. Without his job, our income gets slashed by 3/4 and our insurance premiums more than double for as long as we can stay on COBRA (and then we have NO insurance. …Yes, I will need to find out what options there are for small businesses but from what I’ve heard they’re not great). It’s certainly not an environment conducive to creative personal introspection.

More than just finding another job – I’m hoping he can find something he can be passionate about. (I just hope he can do it quickly)

Trying to stay positive

Today he was told that previously, job postings that would attract about 150-200 resumes – in this economy, are currently attracting in the range of 2000 resumes.

Ugh.

I can’t even begin to express my frustration and worry right now. I honestly have no idea what’s coming next, and I’m becoming more and more afraid to find out. I’m desperately trying to hang on to that little glimmer of hope that “something good is going to come from this” but when faced with a statistic like that… I don’t even want to tell you what’s going through my head right now…

Laid Off

Not me obviously – being that I work for myself. Unfortunately, no, I’m referring to my husband, who, even though I make a fair living doing what I do – he was the main “breadwinner.” His job will be no more in just a few weeks – blamed on a “reduction in force due to contractual obligations” – which is a nice way of saying the company is looking to save money by doubling the workload of the people left behind and letting go the rest of the team that is required to actually get everything done.

We saw the writing on the wall as people have been let go at a rate of almost one or two every week. The situation there is not good – and I don’t envy the people that still have their jobs. If anything, I’m glad Sam isn’t one of them! If any good can come out of it, I’m hoping that this will spur him on to find another job where he’ll be happier. For too long he’s been tolerating a lot of nonsense there and it’s been a long time since he enjoyed what he was doing.

The other good that can come out of it is that this is the signal to me that it’s time to move on – as it’s been a long time since I enjoyed living where are, in case my recent posts weren’t clear enough about that.

Nothing is ever simple though: Life is what happens while you’re making plans. (The alternate saying is: People make plans, and God laughs) We had plans for Rachel to attend a different school this year, we had made arrangements in the fall to take our first vacation alone, just me and Sam, since our Honeymoon 13 years ago. (That was to be my 40th birthday present) At the moment we’re still planning on going, but we have no idea where we’ll be living (I have no idea how all that will work – we’ll have to change all our flight info if we move before then), and I have no idea what our money situation will be.

I have a great deal of hope that something better is on the other side of this current mess. Sam is freaking out as you can imagine – and I feel like I’m keeping everyone’s sanity together. That is quite a task. Mainly because when I feel like my sanity is falling apart, and I start to freak out – there is no one to support me and help me keep it together (except for my parents – but I hate feeling like a burden to them).

So that is the fun that is going on in our house at the moment. Life is certainly an adventure.

13 Years and Counting

H