Post Holiday Catch Up

I hope everyone had a good Hanukkah, Christmas, Kwanzaa, Winter Solstice or other holiday of your choice 😉 The last few weeks have been insanely busy with work projects, and various holiday projects.

I was able to do the Hanukkah presentation for Rachel’s class with minimal problems. My plan to talk “off-the-cuff” as little as possible worked. I read a book. We sang a few songs (many of them the students already knew from previous years of my coming in there), I had the kids play dreidel, and then I brought in latkes. That was probably the biggest challenge. Due to health laws – I’m not allowed to bring in homemade food, so the latkes had to be store-bought. So the first challenge was finding a store that would make them. I convinced the local Harmon’s grocery store to make them for me in their deli department, but then at the last minute they decided they were too busy to actually do it. (I can’t even tell you how pissed I still am at them for pulling that stunt). The one good thing that came out of it was that they told me that they thought that Whole Foods might make them. Which was true – and I didn’t even have to twist their arm and beg. In fact, when I explained what I needed the latkes for, they offered to make up a special batch for me of “smaller” latkes for the kids (their “normal” size was HUGE – their “smaller” size is closer to what I would have considered “normal”). But the the problem was that they refused to give them to me heated up. And I wasn’t given access to the school’s cafeteria, so I had to heat them up on warming platters in the class. They were still on the “cooler” side, but they still tasted good. All the kids seemed really excited to try them.

Christmas went well too. The kids were spoiled rotten, although there were a fair share of present fails – I think Santa is beginning to look like an idiot. (Well, at least he’ll take the blame for a few more years until the kids figure it out). Rachel got a “designer nail” kit – which apparently was only an “add on” to a larger (more expensive) kit – which she doesn’t have. Oops. Zachary got a Wii game which is totally too difficult for him to play. He also got a computer game which doesn’t work on his computer. Oops. There were other presents that didn’t suck, thankfully – Rachel got a few Harumika sets, a Miley Cyrus CD (which she has been playing over and over and over and over again. Ugh.) Zachary got a few Bakugans and a marble tower building thing.

And me? Between Hanukkah and Christmas (and Thanksgiving) – basically a month+ of holidays and food… I am sitting at a good 5lbs heavier than when the holidays started. I know I’ve been “bad” – but the holidays are difficult on a diet. I wanted to enjoy them without worrying so much about every calorie. I knew I would gain, but the deal I made with myself was that as quickly as I could afterwards I would get it back together again. So here I am. Again. For the millionth time. But that’s what it’s all about.

I tried the LoseIt! iPhone app before – but I do like being able to enter stuff into the computer as well as the iPhone. Sometimes, if I have A LOT of stuff to enter, the iPhone’s interface becomes a real hurdle. So I end up skipping an entry… and one thing leads to another… and you get the idea. So I’ve signed up again with MyFoodDiary. It’s still a little overkill for what I want, and some things I still find annoying and wish I could turn off, but it has the main important features I want – iphone accessible (they have a mobile version of their site) and the ability to enter via computer as well. It’s too bad I don’t get a “referral kick-back” for the number of times I mention them on this site, but I don’t. I just like their service.

Our New Year’s is always quiet, so I shouldn’t have too much to worry about there – so today is my first day back on track.

Tracking Calories. Again.

F

I still think MyFoodDiary.com is great, but I want something more simple. I know that fats and carbs play a role, but what I found to be the most significant issue was plain old calories. (It’s important to note this will be different for different people – and even for me, there was a time I was more concerned with carbs than anything else. Right now I think I have the carbs under control – but really just want some help watching the straight calories). So I’m going to give that “Lose It” (free) iPhone app a try. I’ve heard people rave about it – and if just watching calories is what you need to do – then this program seems pretty good. For the foods that it has in the database, it does include additional nutritional info (Fat, Cholesterol, Sodium, Carbs, Protein). But entering in your own custom foods doesn’t entail a long form to fill out. Just enter the name of the food, the serving size, and the number of calories. Done. This is perfect for what I want to do right now. (An additional note: For those people that want to track those other items, the simplicity of Lose It probably isn’t a good thing as I could not see a way to enter that additional nutritional data in for custom foods if I wanted to) figured it out: you can track these other nutrients, you have to just turn that feature on if you want it.

Anyway. Back on the wagon…

If you’d like to try Lose It too, here’s the link on iTunes. (It’s free)

Attention Walmart shoppers: You are not getting bigger, the world is getting smaller!

So I finally got out for my clothes shopping spree. As it turns out, I’m not a size 10…. I’m a size 8. (!!!) My initial reaction was “NO FREAKING WAY!” and then I remembered… I’m being played. Big time. Do you remember hearing about that whole “vanity sizing” thing. Oh, yeah. Bummer! Well, the truth is I have *never* been a size 8. I remember when I was in college, and I went through a starvation diet phase – I managed to get myself down to a size 9. I bought a pair of jeans. Neither the diet or that size lasted very long.

So in the last few years, they’ve changed the size scale. But still – I’m sticking with the fact that the last time I had to buy a pair of jeans (which was in 2005 or 2006) I was buying size 16 jeans. I can’t believe the size scale changed since then (if it did, SHUSH! I don’t want to hear about it!) 😛 There is also the issue that I tried on jeans from Costco, Walmart (Levi brand), Old Navy, and in all cases the size 10 were too big – size 8 fit. So unless they’re all trying to play to my ego, could I have really gotten down to a size 8?? Being that I am still a size 16 in my head – as far as I’m concerned, this is all just a cruel joke the world is playing on me.

I’ll never know the truth. Either way, I have jeans that fit me, they’re not falling off. They’re flattering, and I feel good in them. That’s all that really matters.

Updated: Actually, I may need to bring these jeans back. :/ The stupid sizing is pissing me off. After wearing them for a few hours they feel too loose. I’m not sure if they’ll shrink or not… but with the vanity sizing these companies have done, and with the weight I’ve lost, I’m just totally confused what I should be wearing. I wish they had a simple chart that would tell you what size to buy based on what your measurements are. Screw generic sizes!!

Mental Weight-Loss

Status report: I am currently maintaining my 30+lb weight loss. I am only 4-5lbs from the lowest weight I can be and still be healthy and not be too thin. (I can’t even begin to tell you how weird that is. I can’t wrap my head around that).

In my head I am still fat. Not that I think I am fat. Logically, I know I’ve lost weight and I know I’m at a good, healthy weight now. It’s that I don’t FEEL thin. I think it’s the same thing as it with age. We don’t always FEEL the age we really are. I don’t FEEL 39 years old. I don’t FEEL 30 lbs lighter. How do I lose the weight in my head?

One problem that I know I need to address – my clothes. This is such a huge issue. On one hand, I’m afraid to throw away my fat clothes. What if I get fat again?? On the other hand… OMG. If I get fat again, someone slap me!! So yeah, I’m wearing clothes that are in some cases 3 sizes too big. Even a belt can’t help that much of a difference. Do you have any idea how ridiculous that looks? I had been holding off buying clothes because I wasn’t sure what size I would settle down at. But now, I really can’t lose much more weight. I can tone up some, but even if I do lose those last 4-5 lbs, it shouldn’t affect clothing size too much. At my largest size, I fit into a size 16 (sometimes 16/18) jeans. If I can sneak out of the house today, I’ll be looking for a size 10.

I have to admit, I may hold onto one or two of the larger jeans. Some of them were expensive. I should just throw them all away. I’ll agree to throw most of them away. I can wear a size 12, although they’re really baggy – so I’ll probably hang onto those (but I think I only have one or two pairs). Anything 14 and up has to go. Maybe once my clothes fit me better, I’ll FEEL my size more. I wish I had taken more/better “before” pictures to remind me of how things used to be, because even sometimes looking in the mirror it’s hard for me to see the difference. I know there’s a difference – but aside from the fact that my pants are falling down, I just don’t see it. My brain still sees me 30lbs heavier.

It’s not about failure, it’s how you recover from it

You can’t have success without failure. It’s not just that success wouldn’t taste so sweet – it’s that you wouldn’t know it when you landed on it if you didn’t know what it was like to be somewhere else. It’s good to fail once in a while. Just because you fail once in a while does not make you a failure. (Obama says so! And it’s so true! By the way, I love that speech he gave.) What defines a person is what comes after that failure. How do they recover? Do they shrink and hide away? Do they become the failure? Or do they rise above and conquer it? In conquering this “failure” – the failure ceases to be a “failure”, and instead merely a stepping point. A stone from which to rise above and become better.

So why all this talk of failure? Well… yeah. I was able to maintain my weight for a few weeks. I did a pretty good job at it too – but then work consumed my life and exercise drifted into an afterthought, and then I spent a week eating and eating and eating. While I didn’t really gain a significant amount of weight (maybe 2 lbs?), the “habits” and healthy lifestyle I worked hard to build into my life dropped into oblivion. I’m not ashamed. I saw it happen. I let it happen. I’m not even sure what I learned from the experience. At least at the moment, I’m not sure I see a lesson in all this.

The end result, is that I’m ready to get back on track. I need to get running again. It’s been weeks now. I need to get logging again. It’s been weeks on that too. That lion has his eyes on me… and he’s looking hungry.