What a difference a day makes

On Saturday I went back to give the skiing another shot. I figured, with my level of discomfort and fear of the whole thing I was probably better off getting a private lesson, just to get over that hump and feel more comfortable. That is exactly what I got.

Talk about being out of my comfort zone – I went up there by myself feeling totally scared. The last time I went it wasn’t the most fun. But at least I’d had a friend with me. This time I was totally on my own. At least I already knew the instructor (I had requested the one from the last lesson) and knew she was a lot of fun and very patient. But even she said that she had been surprised (but really happy) that I’d come back. After the last time, she would have expected me to throw in the towel and said to hell with it. But I didn’t feel the last time gave me a fair assessment of the sport. It had been snowing, my equipment sucked. Not a good way to start.

Despite it all, by the end of the lesson she had me turning back and forth down the hill to control my speed; we moved from the very very easy hill to a more steeper one. I was able to navigate around people in front of me. I actually only fell once the whole time – and even then I sort of did it on purpose because I wasn’t slowing down enough and I wanted to stop. After that, I was getting better at controlling my speed so I didn’t need to just bail like that to come to a stop. And the best part, I was really starting to have fun. When we went down the steeper hill, I really felt like I had gotten it. She was really happy with the amount of improvement I’d been able to do.

And now? I can’t wait to go back. I’ve been thinking about the whole experience all day – I’ll probably be on the mountain in my mind all week. Next weekend we’ll all go up. I’m going to do a group lesson (now at least, I feel like I won’t be holding anyone up), Rachel will do a lesson too. And we’ll try to sign Zach up for an afternoon lesson. Sam will probably just be on hand for Zach’s lesson since his and Rachel’s lesson would end an hour before mine does, as well, this will be the first time we put Zach on skis so we have no idea how he’ll react. My instructor said that probably one more (group) lesson and I should be good to do some green runs on my own outside of a lesson.

Aside from wanting to learn, I was really hoping that this would be something that we could do together as a family and it’s starting to look like we just might be able to do that. That it can be something that we all enjoy doing together.

I’m also still on a high because for years, I have had a pretty strong fear of skiing. I really didn’t know if it was something I was going to be able to do. I’m not exactly very athletically inclined. (Understatement of the year) I had always imagined myself getting on skis, not being able to control my speed and just hurdling down the mountain without breaks. So doing this; getting to the point of actually feeling comfortable on the skis; getting to the point of not being afraid – and in fact ENJOYING it. I feel like a faced and conquered a fear. It’s extremely empowering. I can’t wait to get back on the mountain again.

Chicks on Sticks: Adventures in Skiing

So I had my first ski lesson on Sunday. An adventure from beginning to end. The day begin with a massive snow storm. That would have ended the trip right then and there if it wasn’t for the fact that my friend who was taking the lesson with me had 4-wheel drive. (My little mini-van doesn’t do so well in snow). So we made it up the mountain, although it did take quite a bit longer than we had planned for. We got checked in, and fitted for the rental equipment.

Lesson 1 for the day: Even if the high school student working behind the counter says you don’t need to, and that it will be fine – make sure the boots fit into the skis they give you.

After getting checked in and getting our equipment we had just enough time for a quick bite for lunch before meeting up with the instructor. We set our skis outside the restaurant – I even made the comment “You mean, people just leave the ski equipment out here?? Nothing gets stolen??” My friend made the comment that we had rental equipment… True – if someone was going to walk off with equipment, I’m sure there was a better selection of items to chose from.

We then go to meet up with the instructor. First lesson… how to clear off snow from your ski boot – and get it into the ski. Ah yes, that’s when we realize my boot does not actually FIT into the ski!! At first we thought maybe someone had switched equipment on me, but no… after some back and forth – we finally got the skis fitting. Lots of wasted time there.

Then it was time to ski… sort of. I thought with skis on you were supposed to… I don’t know… move? I had to do a lot of pushing with my poles to move. The only time I would really start to go was if the hill got significantly steep. There were several points to the day that I just could not get moving, I was holding the class up, and the instructor literally had to tow me down the hill. Seriously? Tow me DOWN a HILL when I’m wearing SKIS??

Lesson 2 for the day: Going forward – I’m going to make the rental place wax the skis right then and there. I’m not wasting this much time again on equipment FAILS.

Where the lesson was – there was no “magic carpet” (I still have no idea what that is), so we took the chair lift up. That’s probably the biggest thing I took away from the lesson: getting over my intense fear of the chair lift. I mean, aside from the height issue – which isn’t really like a “phobia of heights” or anything – just like, I’d rather be somewhere else kind of feeling… but the getting off, I was having a huge panic attack about how to get off the chair lift without it killing me. After about 3 times through, I got the basic idea. You’re supposed to just go straight off the chair lift – you will stop eventually because it’s really flat just after the lift, but if you try to wedge and stop too soon or use your poles, you’re going to screw up the people next to you – which is what the others in the class were doing to me! LOL! But the instructor saw what I was doing and said I did it the right way and would have gotten off cleanly otherwise.

I feel like I really only got a very limited amount of real SKI time – so I’m only slightly more comfortable with the idea than I was before going into it. It’s going to take a lot of practice I think before I feel even vaguely ok just going down the beginner slope. The other factor that doesn’t help is other skiers. The ones zooming past me. Granted, I know they probably have more control than I do – but I’m not going to bet money on it. So there’s a lingering fear of someone screaming up behind me and crashing into me – with my being able to do little or nothing at all to stop it or get out of the way.

On a positive note, however, I really liked the instructor. With the deal I got for this ski package – I can go up another 4 times this season with my rentals, lift tickets and group ski lesson all costing only $25 each time I go. Or I can opt to just use the lift ticket and rental, and buy a private lesson – which is what I might do, if I can swing it. If so, I’ll be requesting THAT particular instructor because she was awesome.

I’m frustrated that I didn’t end the day feeling more confident on skis. But I also accept the fact that will probably take a long time, and I wasn’t given a fair advantage with my equipment. But as frustrating as it was, I’m willing to give it a few more tries before I concede and say “This is NOT FOR ME.”

Skiing Insanity Test

As you may or may not know, I live in Utah – supposedly home to some of the “best snow on earth.” I say supposedly because I really don’t know what that means. I mean, I live less than an hour away from Olympic-quality skiing, and yet I have never gone skiing in my life.

Well, that’s not entirely true… I did go snowboarding. Once. I actually went down the hill twice. The first time I’m not really sure how I made it down, but I know falling was frequently involved – and this was when we lived in Massachusetts – which is not home to the “best snow on earth” – unless snow is supposed to resemble ice. The second time we tried to go down the hill, the wind had picked up and was so strong, I couldn’t stand long enough to even fall down again. So I just sat on my board and slid down the hill because at that point I just wanted to go home.

With an experience like that, maybe it’s not a surprise that I haven’t exactly raced to the mountain to try my hand (feet?) at skiing. I’m told snowboarding is different and that skiing is easier, but as an outsider the fact that it’s one board vs two just seems like that just gives you more opportunity to break your legs or end up in a split.

Then there’s the whole concept of going down a hill without control and without breaks. I’m told there are ways to stop, but they don’t sound easy enough – at least without involving legs being twisted in ways they were never meant to be.

But since I am going insane, I signed up for skiing lessons. Well, that’s not the only reason I did it. My brother and his family are coming here for a ski vacation early next year and if I’d like to spend any time with them, I’m going to have to strap on some skis. We got a coupon in the mail that had a package deal for locals: a lift ticket, a group lesson, even equipment – all included in one ridiculously low price. There was simply no excuse. I even found a friend of mine who is also going insane and is willing to give it a try with me.

We will be falling down often – and thanks to my friend – laughing just as often too. But I’m not going to guarantee I won’t break a leg or that I will willingly go skiing again. LOL!

Holiday Recovery

My parents headed back home this morning. It was great to see them and my mother cooked her standard fare for Thanksgiving (with some help from Rachel and I) We spent Saturday at the Treehouse Museum and Sunday at the Clark Planetarium. Both were fantastic. The Planetarium’s actual exhibits aren’t extensive (although what they do have is pretty cool), but their coolest feature is the dome and IMAX theatre. Free admission to shows in either theater for a year convinced us to buy a membership.

While they were here, my mom and I had a discussion about artwork. She’s been spending a lot of time creating water color paintings and was trying to encourage me to pick painting or drawing back up. I was saying how I think I hit my artistic peak just after college and really kind of dropped it after that. So she and I went out for art supplies. I didn’t want to get into the full expense of painting – I don’t have any of my old art supplies – so as a second choice, we picked up some water color pencils. I made two little “paintings” this weekend, and I really like the medium. It’s perfect for what my life is right now. It’s easy to clean up, it can be a fairly quick project. It’s flexible… I’ll have to update abovethefold.org with my paintings now.

Healthcare Confusion

Sam’s company recently switched up their health insurance offerings. Previously, we’ve stuck with the same plan or something similar for the last 5+ years. It was pretty straightforward, easy to understand. I was never happy with the insurance company itself, though. They seemed to reject claims on a regular basis without cause, you’d call them up and then they’d “realize their mistake” and pay for the claim. For the number of times this happened, I really became suspicious that they were just hoping you’d give up and pay the claim yourself rather than following up with them every single time. Sometimes it became tempting to do so, but I just couldn’t on principle – figuring that’s probably exactly what they wanted.

In any case, that plan is not even being offered anymore. The two choices we were given were another plan similar to what we had – but with a higher premium (and a smaller selection of doctors to chose from!) or one of these “Health Savings Account” (HSA). My first instinct was to turn down the HSA. I just couldn’t imagine how that could ever be better than the standard plan we were used to going with. But his company gave two key incentives: they gave you a credit in the HSA and the premium was quite a bit cheaper than the other plan. As well, the selection of doctors from the HSA was much wider.

So I figured, the best thing to do would be to run the numbers. First we calculated out how much it would cost if we went to the doctor’s 10x a year and then 20x a year. And in both cases the HSA was less expensive. So then I downloaded our actual claims for the past year. Figuring that we would probably be about the same. Meticulously combed through each claim and sorted them for how we would have been charged if we had been under each of the new plans. Again, the HSA ended up being cheaper. In truth – the difference between the two almost always equaled the delta of lower premium and that HSA credit the company gives. If it wasn’t for that – the two plans would have been almost neck in neck.

But it’s crazy how confusing this all is. I wonder how many people spend that many days agonizing over the decision, and then actually creating a spreadsheet of claims from the previous year – recalculating the charge on each one based on what would be charged under the new plans just to see what the difference would have been.

I really hate how difficult that needs to be, and even more than that, I hate that in this country employers are the ones that decide on the fate of your health care. I doubt his company has our family’s health interest in mind when they make these decisions. They’re going to do what makes the most business sense. It doesn’t belong in their hands.

Rennaisance Recap and Public Speaking

So, as I had said before, I was doing this thing in my daughter’s class…

I was dreading it and predicting that it was going to be bad, and my expectations were pretty much on the money. LOL! I had really freaked out a few days before doing the presentation about how awful I knew it was going to go, and was even offered a way out. They offered to have someone else do it for me – but I couldn’t take it. I don’t know, maybe I should have. But I felt that backing out, especially so late in the game wasn’t fair to anyone and set a bad example for my daughter. But at the same time, what did I teach her by getting up there and doing such a poor job. Even if it wasn’t my own fault. I did do my best, but in this regard, my best is probably the average person’s worst job. I’m not saying that to be hard on myself – it really has more to do with my issues on public speaking.

Before I went in there, a friend of mine asked me why I was so afraid – I mean, after all, they’re just kids. But it’s not fear that’s the real problem. I’m not afraid of the kids. I’m afraid of myself. I’m afraid of the fact that when I get up in front of people to speak, I simply lose the ability to put words together and make a coherent sentence. I’m not kidding. I’m not good at thinking “off the cuff” anyway – but it’s even worse when there’s a crowd. The more eyes on me, the less I can function. It’s really pretty annoying. But I think it’s something I’m going to have to come to terms with and accept and ultimately turn down anything that involves my getting up to speak in front of a group of people. I wish I could, I love the idea, but the reality is it’s just not something I can do. Under any circumstance.

A few years ago I was asked to be on a panel at SXSW. I turned it down. I sort of regretted that decision, but I’m thinking now maybe that I was right. Again, I love the idea of being able to get up and speak. And certainly there are some benefits tied along with it – becoming more well-known, being able to share some of my thoughts and knowledge with others. But in the end, I don’t think the good things I want will come from it. I forget where I read it, but someone was saying how they never wanted their “15 minutes of fame” – they never wanted to be on a reality TV show – because the fact of the matter is when it comes right down to it – you have way more to lose than to gain.

So while the kids didn’t pay attention, I had trouble making sense of what I wanted to say, and they probably absorbed not even the tiniest bit of what I had hoped to pass on to them – I at least learned something about myself. If I don’t have a memorized script – if every step isn’t planned out precisely – I do not belong up in front. End of story.

Of course, after recovering from this whole mess I was saying over and over “never again!! never again!!!” – I quickly realized I will have to get up in front again. Right at the beginning of the school year, the teacher had asked me to come in and talk about Hanukkah. This has become a near yearly ritual that I have come to dread and when possible avoid. Of course, since Rachel is probably the only Jew in her school, there may not be many opportunities to expose these kids to cultural differences so I feel obligated to do it. But I’m thinking I will need to either heavily involve the kids in the presentation and/or have them read things to the class and/or I will have a word-for-word script memorized beforehand. I guess knowing the real problem is half the battle.