Confessional

I‘m not sure when I officially “started” dieting – but by 2009 I had lost a net total of 30lbs. And since then… I’ve managed to gain every one of those pounds back.

I can you tell you my laundry list of excuses: busy work schedule, difficult times with my husband’s job, selling our house, moving out of state, more difficult schedules, etc. etc. I have at least one excuse for every pound I lost and then gained back. But that doesn’t make them go away. What I’m left with is being completely disgusted with the way I look. Again. Overweight – I can see it in my face. I’m ashamed of the folds where there didn’t used to be folds. I’m out of shape. I hate it.

After a lot of false starts, I’m hoping this time it will stick. I’m back on myfooddiary.com, I’m taking Zumba classes two times a week (starting in the new year, I’ll bring that up to three). They’re not at the most convenient times – but I’m trying to make it work. I’m also trying to eat less meat overall – less chicken, beef, fish. I’m not trying to be a vegetarian, but I’m trying to keep our meat meals to just once a week and do vegetarian dishes the rest of the week. We’ve been reading a lot about how much a meat-focused diet is so bad for the environment.

Anyway – hoping that putting this out here, will maybe give me some accountability to stay on track.

It comes once a month…

I‘m referring to my blog posts. Gone are the days of daily blogging! I had a client ask me recently about my blog and I had to explain that while I always liked blogging, my bigger interest was in MAKING the blog, not so much writing on it. Hence the beginning of Scriptygoddess and then the beginning of my new job/business.

But I do like looking back on life. So here’s this past month’s rundown.

My daughter is wrapping up her part in the local theatre/musical group’s production of Cats. She has an ensemble part – but really does seem to enjoy doing the shows. She wants to do the next show too – against my better judgement, I’m pretty much decided to let her. Her grades were hurting in the beginning, but she’s pulled them up (I can take some credit here too because I’ve been seriously on her case about keeping up) – she’s cooperated for the most part – so I think we’ll do the show. Cats has been fun for me too – the program requires parent volunteer hours and I signed up for makeup. I *love* doing facepaint/makeup – especially cat makeup. At the same time, it’s also crazy stressful as there are A LOT of kids in the show. There’s a bunch of us working on makeup – I have about 6 kids I need to do makeup for – but we only get a little less than 2 hours before the show to do it. For each show, I’ve had the kids waiting in line, waiting waiting waiting for their turn. I’m going as fast as I can, but I feel bad about making anyone wait for me! There’s three more shows left – I’m sure by the last one I’ll be so fast!

Zach just finished up his first soccer season. He is really good at it and I think we’ve got him convinced to do it again. I wish they had a spring session for his age group but they don’t (not unless we want to drive a few towns over each time!) So we’re stuck waiting for fall! I’d like to sign him up for another sport for the spring to keep him active, but I’m not sure what’s available and what programs are good. The ones through the town I wasn’t terribly impressed with. (The soccer program was great – it was through AYSO) There’s T-ball – but I really wanted something where he’d be more active (more than just waiting around for someone to hit a ball – or waiting for his turn to hit the ball… etc.) Flag football might be good if they have a group his age – but I wonder whether he’d be able to STOP himself from wanting to tackle other kids. LOL! Maybe I’ll just invest in a giant gerbil wheel… That would do the job. 😉

Work is the same. Feast or famine. This month has been more on the “lean” side. But we’ll see how long that keeps up. (It usually doesn’t last) I’m thankful for the breaks anyway.

If you follow me on pinterest, you may have noticed a crazy amount of pinning recently for “doodles.” I’ve really gotten into this and started collecting inspiring doodles there. I almost always doodle while talking on the phone – next to my notes etc. but these would usually end up getting tossed in the trash. Some of them were actually kind of cool. So I got a few notebooks I’m solely dedicating to doodles. In fact, I’m thinking of buying a real “sketchbook” (since the paper in the notebook is ruled and isn’t the greatest quality) – maybe even pick up a few super fine point artist pens. I’d like to post some of the things I’ve done – but there always seems to be some little thing that bugs me about the drawing that makes me not want to share it. Sometimes, I just do a partial drawing. If I ever get anything that feels “complete” and “clean”, I’ll finally post it.

Break In The Clouds

WOW. What a whirlwind the last few months has been. It’s literally been non-stop, one big project after the next – very often overlapping. I pushed back (at the expense of possibly losing a new client – but I couldn’t keep it up) and I finally have a little breathing room. I mean, you know it’s bad when you’re thinking to yourself “I wish I could get sick – sick enough that I have to go to the hospital – but not life threatening – just enough so I have a good enough excuse to sleep for even just one solid day.” (I’d say I’d wish for a vacation, but somehow our vacations are never very relaxing. Seriously – a trip to the hospital would be more of a “vacation”)

In any case – I don’t think I mentioned last time – we did get a new puppy. He is an AWESOME dog. If I had any doubts about our decision to bring back Moose – having our new dog is definitely proof. He is so good. So loving. So tolerant. He hangs out in my lap all day while I work. He chases my son around the house (for fun! Not to bite him! LOL!) when he comes home from school. He’s smart. He is the best dog ever. Truly. Have a look:

He is a cairn terrier (like Charlie was) The woman we got him from may want to show and possibly breed him – so we won’t be able to have him fixed right away. If she does decide to breed him, we would have dibs on a one of puppies (which I would seriously consider – the only thing better than a Carin Terrier… is TWO Carin Terriers!!! And certainly if the pup had the same kind of personality!)

Updates on life

Been awhile since I dropped in here. My work has kept me crazy busy. I spoke at Evo Conference – spreading my love of all things WordPress. And… this past weekend we had to bring our puppy back to the breeder we got him from.

I hadn’t posted much about him  – we were dealing with a lot. Aside from the normal craziness that is raising and housebreaking a puppy – he was not healthy from the beginning. He had an EXTREMELY sensitive stomach, and after several hundreds of dollars of various tests – no one could determine exactly why or what was wrong with him. We fed him plenty, but he remained skinny and the food he ate practically flew through one end and out the other so quickly.We finally found a food that he would somewhat tolerate – but it didn’t make things perfect. It was a grain and gluten free, single protein food that had to be rehydrated. Then he had a massive flare up and even that stopped working as well as it once did.

If that wasn’t enough to deal with, the real killer was his aggression. Within the first week of having him here, he growled and snapped at me at a way I’ve never seen a *normal puppy* do. It was bizarre. And no one really believed me that a PUPPY would show aggression like this. They said it was “posturing” not aggression. Ok… so we paid top dollar for a great trainer who whipped us into shape about how to behave and treat the puppy so that he would know we were alpha. We did this for months. The problem began to get worse, not better. He would be sitting in a room – no “triggers” near by (no food, no toys) – he wasn’t sleeping, he’d be wide awake – just hanging out – and my daughter who has always been very gentle with him and respectful of him, would come up to pet him – and for no reason at all he would growl at her. Then my husband – who SURELY he must see as ALPHA in our pack – would come up to him – and again, he would growl at him.

I spoke to another trainer, and they said with all his problems – since we had the option of bringing him back to the breeder – we should take it. This is not the right dog for our family.

Who knows, maybe he needed to be in a bigger house – or a bigger back yard – or he needs other dogs with him to keep him in line. Whatever it is – he didn’t belong with us. It broke our hearts – it wasn’t for lack of love that we brought him back. But I have a responsibility to my family and I have a responsibility to him. However, my family comes first and I was worried about the direction this was headed. I was worried that growl would very soon turn into something more disastrous. I’m glad he’s with the breeder – she’ll take good care of him. Maybe she’ll be able to determine the source of his issues – and then place him in a home that’s more appropriate.

In the meantime – we are once again trying to heal from the loss of a dog. Bad timing too. So close to my daughter’s birthday again when last year we had to say goodbye to our other dog after 12 happy years. And I am on the hunt again for a dog. This time I think we’re going to go with the same breed we had last time and that we are so in love with: a Cairn Terrier or Westie (West Highland Terrier).

Happy Puppy