Mental Weight-Loss

Status report: I am currently maintaining my 30+lb weight loss. I am only 4-5lbs from the lowest weight I can be and still be healthy and not be too thin. (I can’t even begin to tell you how weird that is. I can’t wrap my head around that).

In my head I am still fat. Not that I think I am fat. Logically, I know I’ve lost weight and I know I’m at a good, healthy weight now. It’s that I don’t FEEL thin. I think it’s the same thing as it with age. We don’t always FEEL the age we really are. I don’t FEEL 39 years old. I don’t FEEL 30 lbs lighter. How do I lose the weight in my head?

One problem that I know I need to address – my clothes. This is such a huge issue. On one hand, I’m afraid to throw away my fat clothes. What if I get fat again?? On the other hand… OMG. If I get fat again, someone slap me!! So yeah, I’m wearing clothes that are in some cases 3 sizes too big. Even a belt can’t help that much of a difference. Do you have any idea how ridiculous that looks? I had been holding off buying clothes because I wasn’t sure what size I would settle down at. But now, I really can’t lose much more weight. I can tone up some, but even if I do lose those last 4-5 lbs, it shouldn’t affect clothing size too much. At my largest size, I fit into a size 16 (sometimes 16/18) jeans. If I can sneak out of the house today, I’ll be looking for a size 10.

I have to admit, I may hold onto one or two of the larger jeans. Some of them were expensive. I should just throw them all away. I’ll agree to throw most of them away. I can wear a size 12, although they’re really baggy – so I’ll probably hang onto those (but I think I only have one or two pairs). Anything 14 and up has to go. Maybe once my clothes fit me better, I’ll FEEL my size more. I wish I had taken more/better “before” pictures to remind me of how things used to be, because even sometimes looking in the mirror it’s hard for me to see the difference. I know there’s a difference – but aside from the fact that my pants are falling down, I just don’t see it. My brain still sees me 30lbs heavier.